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[darkov]

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latest status update 3/6/2018

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[darkov]

I...I knew something like this would happen. [well. not specifically, but.] Something like...me, hurting people. I keep...hurting people, even when I'm not there. I shouldn't be here...!

[killtime]

Martin, stop.

[darkov]

Andy I keep hurting people, I--I even killed a man! I--I...I, I keep messing up so badly, even when I'm not trying to! I--

[killtime]

Martin, no — listen to me. Nobody's blaming you, that's not... [ Or maybe they are, but she doesn't care. Like hell she'd let anyone do anything about it even if they did blame him. ] I just didn't know. If I was hurting you more than I was helping you, and if that was why...

[ Words aren't usually hard for her. But sincerity sometimes is. Feelings always are. ]

[darkov]

What? [incredulous, still stuck in that bad flow.] A-Andy, I’m the only one out here hurting people! This is all my fault— even when I’m not even thinking about it, it, it it just happens! This is exactly why I shouldn’t be around people in the first place!

[there’s some of that anger trying to creep out — the kind that fueled the facsimile who hurt her.]

[killtime]

I'm not abandoning you. Not over this shit. [ She raises her voice without really meaning to. ] What you're saying — the fact that you think that — that's why you need people right now. And I...

If I give up on caring about you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And I have to live with myself.

[darkov]

But-- but I hurt you. What if I...? [kill is on the tip of his tongue, but his throat closes on him, muting it.]

[killtime]

[ A heavy exhale. ]

You can't kill me. I'm immortal. [ Oh, the hubris. ] I'm almost seven thousand years old now, and you're not about to end that streak, kid. You're stuck with me.

[darkov]

[???/???

he can't tell if that's supposed to be just pride...or an actual thing.]

I...I don't understand...

[killtime]

What? [ Honestly, she's half-amazed she admitted it to him herself. ] What's not to understand? I'm immortal.

[ Well. Mostly. ]

[darkov]

But--how is that possible? You're-- [human?

he hesitates to solidly say so.]

[killtime]

[ But she guesses what he means. She's had this conversation before. ]

I'm human, yeah. I don't know why I haven't died yet. Whatever it is, it's been keeping me alive for thousands of years. And trust me, kid, I've survived a lot worse than you.

[darkov]

...

[that's...messed up, Andy. that is -- it doesn't really fit well with Martin's script here, and that's a problem. one more problem. this place is nothing but problems! and him, not fitting -- that's the worst of it.

another shaky exhale -- this time more of a huff. this is...just a lot. he gets his footing one minute, has it swept away another, then blows keep coming until he finally hunkers down and hides...rinse, repeat.]

I'm sorry. [the filler phrase. he doesn't know anything better to say.]

[killtime]

Me too.

[ She knows it's messed up. And at some points in her life, she's definitely tried to solve that problem — but she's still here, so everyone can tell how well that worked out.

Andy sighs. She's still not convinced this whole thing wasn't a mistake, but. ]

So. Now you know my big stupid secret. Can we agree to be honest with each other from now on, Martin?

[darkov]

...I don't lie. [unless omissions count. BUT THEY DON'T!!!]

[killtime]

That's not what I mean.

I know you're bad at it, and I know I'm definitely bad at it, but I need us to talk if I'm going to be any good at looking out for you.

[darkov]

[hhhhhhhhhh. why.

well, he knows why. its not unreasonable. but.]

When I try to. I can’t. I can’t talk about it. I just— I already told you all. I hurt people. I don’t get what else there is to know...

[killtime]

That's barely knowing anything at all. And considering I held you dying in my arms, kid, I think we're past the formalities.

[ There's a small pause, like she half-regrets bringing that up. ]

Look... I'm not asking you to spill your life's story. [ Her voice is a little muffled for a moment as she rubs at her face tiredly. ] I'm not even asking you to trust me. I'm just asking for a chance to earn your trust, okay? Work with me here, Martin.

[darkov]

...

[dying? that...didn't happen. because it can't happen. because they wouldn't be talking about it if it did. Andy...]

Whatever you want. I...I don't know what else to say. But. It's fine.

[killtime]

It's not supposed to be about what I want.

[ Her voice gets sharp on the words. She seems to realize it, pausing before she goes on: ]

Not just about what I want, anyway.

[darkov]

Alright...

[it's a wary, quiet tone, doubtful of what to say to placate her.]

[killtime]

Can you just... [ This is hard. When it comes to communicating emotions, she's used to dealing with people that have known her a good couple centuries or so. She doesn't have to work hard to articulate herself. She's been spoiled that way, she supposes. ] Tell me if you don't want me around. If you hate the fact that I keep trying to — I don't know. Butt into your business? Watch over you? Whatever the hell this is.

[darkov]

I... I don't hate you, or, or anything. I just... [exhale.] don't understand. That's all.

[killtime]

Don't understand what?

[darkov]

...

All I seem to do is...bother you. Or hurt you. Or...get in the way. Or... [hhh.] I don't know.