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[darkov]

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latest status update 3/6/2018

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[darkov]

[he falls quiet at that, and stays that way for a minute or two.

then:] She promised to come back in the morning. Days ago.

[h2no]

[archie looks away for a moment, then slides his arm around martin's shoulders, pulling him against his side.]

I know. Sometimes these things... don't make sense, timewise. All we can do is wait. She'll be back.

[maybe not. but martin doesn't need to hear that right now.]

[darkov]

Like Andy.

[he says it with a bit of flatness in his tone, though unintentional. consequence of being around Andy!

after a beat:] Right?

[h2no]

Like Andy, [he says with a nod.] And like Rex, too.

[darkov]

[now he looks over, his brow furrowing.]

Rex didn't--didn't die...

[h2no]

No, he didn't. When people die, or Port out, they go through the Porter the same. It's not-- actually, it's not the same, but she'll come out the Porter when she comes back.

[recounted by someone who's died before and hated it.]

It... like Port outs, it takes a couple days. To come back.

[darkov]

Not always.

[his expression starts to cloud over, the light in his eyes fading and taking on a more distant quality.

he still hasn't forgotten Anderson or Akira.]

[h2no]

[he sighs inwardly-- annoyed at himself for bringing the conversation to this. he just can't bring himself to lie to martin, no matter the severity of the situation, hardly by omission.]

People come back from death more often than they come back from a simple Port out.

[this is a confusing path to navigate. he doesn't want to give false hope... archie just sighs a little.]

Hey, have you slept since you found out?

[darkov]

Yeah.

[he thinks so? he's been in bed a lot; surely some of it has been unconscious.]

...How long has it been?

[h2no]

Two days, so far.

[he gives martin a little squeeze.]

C'mon. Let's get some food in ya. Try one of those Crackers first.

[darkov]

I'm not really hungry, Archie...

[he says it guiltily, still hanging onto that glass of water, but not doing much else with it. his eyes do wince when he hears Mightyena breathe out a little whine.]

[h2no]

[he doesn't move at all, doesn't move to pick up the crackers or the cheese.]

When did you last eat? [it's asked with concern.]

[darkov]

[he moves one hand to scratch idly at the side of his head.]

I dunno. Oatmeal... I think.

[h2no]

Martin... [he says, nudging him again.] When, not what.

[darkov]

[he ducks his head as he wobbles under the nudge.]

Sorry...I don't remember.

[h2no]

That's what I mean.

[he leans forward, taking one.]

You want some of this cheese on it?

[darkov]

That-that's fine...

[he's not going to put up much of a fight, absent appetite or otherwise. he just isn't going to look terribly excited about it either, hanging onto the cracker that's offered for a while before bothering to have a bite.]

[h2no]

[he goes for goat's cheese, something that's quite mild and should compliment the relative saltiness of the cracker. takes a little white lump on the small knife and puts it on for martin, holding it out.]

This one came from a goat!

[darkov]

[murmuring between bites:] I didn't know there were goats here...

[h2no]

They're called Gogoats back home. They can help plants grow.

[which probably makes no sense to martin right now; archie would ordinarily ask him how the food tastes, but he expects martin isn't tasting it. he knows how this goes-- he's been there himself.]

Do you want more water?

[darkov]

There's still some.

[and that'd require more moving. despite his abject misery, Archie is a very sturdy presence when he's near -- warm and large and imposing in better ways. it contrasts the cold he feels inside in a way that reminds his heart to ache again, and his eyes start to well up as he finishes eating the cracker.]

[h2no]

Okay.

[he doesn't say anything else when he sees martin's eyes welling up. just pulls him in a little closer again, resting his hand on his head. mussing his fingers in the hair lightly.]

[darkov]

[Martin's head sags and then slumps against Archie as he gulps, a pathetic sound escaping his nose. it takes several more gulps and several more breaths before he's steadied himself enough to say anything at all.]

I don't want...to feel anymore.

[h2no]

[all he can really do is gently pat martin's hair through it, holding him until he's ready to talk and breathe normally again. he wishes he could do more, but short of bringing cass back... he can't.

when martin speaks up, archie exhales slightly.] I... get that.

Sometimes it's overwhelming to think of all the people I've lost here-- the ones that I cared so deeply about. My family that've gone and haven't come back. It feels like it hurts more than it's worth. Like... maybe I'd be better off havin' not met them at all.

[he shrugs, humming.]

But... if I couldn't feel the bad stuff, I couldn't feel the good either, right? No matter what happens, Andy and Rex love you very, very much. You want to be able to feel that.

[darkov]

Yes...

[it's weak, but a yes nonetheless. of course yes -- of course Martin wants to feel cared for and safe, even if it means hurting now. it doesn't make him feel much better, that truth, not right now. in fact, it makes him feel guilty for having said what he said at all -- as if he were lying.]

I didn't mean that...I'm sorry.