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[darkov]

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latest status update 3/6/2018

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[h2no]

[accept the support... he's knocking on the door about half an hour later, feeling a bunch of nasty anxiety over not helping and making things worse, what if he's giving martin anxiety, which will make his feelings worse, which will make martin's feelings worse which will make his f

archie says nothing when he knocks, but mightyena is kind of tired of him being stupid. it boofs lightly to let them know who's there.]

[darkov]

[he has enough time beforehand to feel bad for snubbing him in so few misspelled words. the chores thing wasn’t a lie so much as...well, Archie said it: they could wait. so they do.

instead, he sat up and waited for the knock, TV on for company. late-night public access shows are kind of addictive — especially the ones about farms or factories. repetitive. hypnotic. easy to get lost in. it’s why there’s a little delay in getting to the door, startling out of the trance.

he opens the door looking about as expected. tired, disheveled. sad.

he backs up out of their way, mumbling.] Sorry.

[h2no]

[mightyena trots in first, giving martin's hand a little nose before making his way off to the living room, following the noise of the tv. archie closes the door behind him, smiling a little at martin. it's sad. definitely sad. he liked rex, and he hates it when this happens, even if it happens something like once a week. he crouches to give martin a hug.]

Don't be.

[darkov]

[the house is clean -- almost pristine, save for some spots he can't reach and a large clump of yarn left on the couch under the incomplete pieces of Rex's would-be surprise sweater. the ironing board is still out, since he gave up trying to fold it back up after a few futile tries, but all the clothes are pressed and put away, just as Rex would do. fish-Rex's bowl is clean, too.

busywork helps. Martin doesn't like to wallow, even if it seems to be the thing he's best at, so he tries. yet for all that trying, he can never seem to fully escape feeling, which is what he wants.

...well. he wants Rex and Anderson back, but as far as things he can have? at least to not feel bad anymore would be nice.

despite that, there's barely any hesitation in accepting the embrace and returning it, curling his arms around Archie's neck and pressing his face into his shoulder. something unintelligible is mumbled, but hell if he even knows what he was going to say.]

[h2no]

[he can't do anything, and it doesn't feel like even this is doing anything to help. he's likely just intruding and disrupting something that andy or cass had set out for martin. archie pushes those thoughts away as best he can and holds the hug for a long few minutes, pulling back a little without breaking it entirely.]

Have you eaten today?

[if he's going to be reliable for one thing, it can at least be his continuous ability to supply food. that's something.]

[darkov]

Umh, [he sniffs, withdrawing, wiping under his nose with the back of his hand, eyes wet. he should say something about being grateful Archie's here, but...] a, a while ago. Before Andy left...

[h2no]

[he doesn't draw attention to that fact martin's crying-- he doesn't want to feel like he's shaming the poor kid.]

Alright. How are you feeling? I can make you something.

[darkov]

[Martin doesn't say anything right away, because he doesn't really want to answer. talking about it will just make things worse, won't it? Kanan screaming THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS in the distance]

I guess.

[addressing the latter part is enough, right? self-consciously, Martin rubs at his elbow, blinking a few times to get tears under control, sniffing again.]

[h2no]

[he nods, and is about to turn to find something to throw together quickly for martin, but stops for a moment.]

You can cry it out, if you want. You don't have to stop yourself. Crying is healthy.

[darkov]

I do that too much.

[he takes another swipe at his face with his forearm and swallows, backing up before turning and wandering into the living room. now that Archie's here, he's aware of the mess he's made and goes to snatch up tangles of yarn, bundling them up in his hands and fishing around for one of the needles trying to escape into the cushions.]

[h2no]

[archie stops and turns to look at him.]

There's no limit on how much you can do it. You can't hold in all your bad feelings forever. If someone has a problem with you expressing them, that's their problem. Not yours.

[darkov]

[Martin's taken aback by this blunt and no-nonsense reply. and, after a beat to process, his face flushes as his chest wells up with a warmth.

he's definitely not Gina, but the same feeling he got from her comfort...he feels that now.

small:] Ye...yes, sir...

[h2no]

Good. [he smiles a little.] Go sit down, do what you gotta. I'll be through in a moment.

[darkov]

[obediently, Martin moves and plops down on the couch, barely able to linger a second before there's a pokemon hopped up on the cushion next to him and nosing his way into his lap. Martin lifts his arms to allow it, settling them atop the warm fur and slightly curling fingers into it.

this kind of care chokes him up almost as much as being sad; his vision gets blurry and his nose stuffs up as he sniffs and tries to steady. even with permission, he doesn't want to cry. he wants to be better than that, more grown and stable. as if crying just means all the good efforts people have put into him failed, as if Rex can't be gone even for a moment without Martin crumbling to pieces.

that kind of guilt is pretty hard to shake.]

[h2no]

[archie's not long. he doesn't do anything complex-- it's just a bowl of instant noodles with some scallions chopped in to make it a little tastier. even if martin's senses are dulled from grief to the point where he can't or won't taste anything. he brings the bowl though, puts it on the coffee table.]

It's hot, [he says, a little uselessly. he's also brought some tissues through from the kitchen. the soft kind, not the rough paper towel kind. he holds them out for martin.]

[darkov]

[Martin takes the tissues with a faint sound, looking over at the steaming bowl on the table. with a pooch in his lap, he's not apt to reach over and grab for it now, but that's all well and good since it needs time to cool.

it smells nice, though...]

Archie? [he looks over toward him.] How did you learn to cook things?

[h2no]

Hmmm.

[he hums thoughtfully as he watches the steam rise off the bowl.]

A couple ways. When I still lived at home I was taught by my parents, when I left - kids in my world leave home to travel when they're about eleven - I learned through necessity and the odd class in the cities I journeyed through. Then when I got older it was just... experimenting and following recipes. [he shrugs a shoulder.] It's not as hard as it looks, when you get the basics down.

[how do darkovs learn, he thinks? definitely not by choice. it seems like none of them have a choice in anything, no matter how big or small it seems. for archie, cooking is second nature, with many aspects of it he was able to specialise in simply because he could.]

...And adapting. Did I tell you I lived in a cave before I was ported in?

[darkov]

[while Archie explains, Martin quietly scrubs at his eyes -- not with the tissues which is what they were brought for. gremlins.

there's a weird, weak understanding in him at some of the things Archie speaks on, particularly that of the family. there's pieces of memories from other people still floating around in his head, mementos of the power Woden gave him for a time...a good number of them with families. cooking with them, big dinners...

his own experiences can bleed into those now, though, can't they? every month there's so many people packed in to eat...and helping Andy cook this time around...]

What...? [he looks back over with a sniff, surprised to hear something-something cave.] Live...in? Why?

[h2no]

[he nudges them towards martin, trying to remind him that they're there. he's reminded of d33 almost hurting himself when he was crying, because he was so intent on not showing any of what he thought was weakness. such a horrible way to raise anyone, he thinks. a horrible habit to fall into; denying yourself the most basic emotions.]

I wanted to, [he says, with a shrug. there's more to it than that, but he won't bring any of that up.] It was nicer than you'd think. Especially when we'd decorated it.

[he puffs his cheeks up.]

The first couple of months were rough. That was back to basics of skewering everything on a kebab stick and cooking it over an open fire. Though honestly? Cooking food like that is always tastier than using the oven or stove.

[darkov]

[obediently, Martin picks up one of the tissues and wipes at his nose while he listens.

a fire in a cave...

Martin frowns, remembering the compound kitchen back home.]

Wouldn't it get all...all smoky and hard to breathe? In a cave, with fire...

[h2no]

[he snorts, laughing a little.]

Yeah. It stopped us procrastinating on the ventilation right quick.

[darkov]

So... [he sniffs.] Your whole family? Lives in a cave? [because they want to?]

[h2no]

They weren't my family, [he says, quietly-- it's not a snap admonishment. just a quiet admittance. it had felt like they were, for a long while, but even with shelly... archie drove a wedge in between them all.] But we did work together. They worked for me, actually.

[anyway.]

Yeah, anyway-- we all stayed in the cave. It was a big one. Hidden away, just because we could.

[darkov]

[a cave, all together...]

...Was it nice?

[h2no]

[was it nice? archie doesn't regret the time in team aqua. he regrets going too far, but they really did have good times.]

Yeah. [and he ruined it, the way he ruins everything.] --Have you had a bonfire here, yet? Roasted marshmallows and the like?