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[darkov]

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latest status update 3/6/2018

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[girlybruiser]

You don't make me sad.

[ Well, not directly. ]

You can think about it if you would like. You don't need to have an answer right away.

[darkov]

...

[he won't. he can't. he'd be too ashamed to. he can't pay back kindnesses in turn, simply because of what a mess he always seems to make. it's why he'd been glancing back outside to the wilderness now and then, wondering if he ought to just walk and keep walking until he couldn't find his way back.

it's stupid, he knows. but it doesn't mean he doesn't still think on it.

...which would bother Rex. Andy. everyone. there's really no winning, is there?

it takes a while before he pipes up:]

...Haru? [is she even still there?]

[girlybruiser]

[ When she doesn't hear back from Martin, Haru assumes the conversation is over. She's about to hit the end call button when she hears his quiet voice. It catches her in the nick of time, but she nearly drops her device as a result. ]

Ah... yes?

[darkov]

Umh...

[a beat.]

You said...I remind you of...you? Right?

[he doesn't remember their entire conversation -- a lot of it being a big blur of anxiety -- but he remembers something to that effect.]

[girlybruiser]

Yes, a little bit.

[ The lack of self-assurance, the feeling that you were more of a burden if not a pawn. ]

The me from long ago.

[darkov]

How come...?

[girlybruiser]

[ She pauses.

Then calmly: ]

It was something both you and the other you said. You told me you were a weapon... the other you told me you were not supposed to "bother" people at all.

[ A faintly amused chuckle. ]

I was not a weapon, but I was a puppet for someone. I was also told not to be bothersome to others. I was simply to be useful.

[darkov]

...

[he mulls on that quietly for a bit.]

Useful for what?

[girlybruiser]

... people would use me to gain favor with my father. My own father was blinded by his greed and nearly forced me into a political marriage that would benefit him only.

[darkov]

[humans are supposed to be able to do anything they want. a lot of what Martin's learned here flies in the face of that teaching; some of these things have been harder to reconcile with than others.

this one is just...strange.]

...Is that common with humans?

[girlybruiser]

[ Hang on, is he not a human himself? She had thought when he said "weapon" he was only being metaphorical, not literal. ]

Sometimes... humans can be selfish. Adults do cruel things and abuse those without power, but there are a lot of good humans, too. Not all are bad or willing to do such things.

[darkov]

...

[like Darkovs.

it's weird, but...he supposes that makes sense. humans make Darkovs...why wouldn't they try and act like them? to be better?

still...the thought of a human just being...bad... even now it's hard to swallow. there has to be something he's done wrong, not them, to encounter a bad egg. but...Haru wouldn't lie, either. so it's tough to say.]

Sorry.

[girlybruiser]

What are you apologizing for?

[darkov]

[a muffled sound.]

I don't know.

For...talking about unpleasant things, I guess.

[girlybruiser]

It's okay. I'm not offended.

[ She's tougher than she looks. ]

To be honest, I'm probably the one talking about unpleasant things, saying things such as "you remind me of me"...

[darkov]

[there's another long pause.]

It's not... I mean. What you said happened...that's sad. But no Darkov would think...being compared to a human is unpleasant. Humans are special. Where I'm from.

[girlybruiser]

[ Somehow, that doesn't sound as nice as she thinks it should. ]

Why are they special?

[darkov]

[a muffled sound and some shifting.

then, after a beat:] They can...do anything, make anything. Art...buildings. Wonders. If it weren't for the monsters, the world would be beautiful. All...crafted by their skills. They made Darkovs and...and everything else. They're why Darkovs exist at all, so we have to appreciate them.

[girlybruiser]

You were...

[ It takes a while to digest. ]

... made by humans?

[ Honestly, that puts Martin closer to Morgana, almost. ]

[darkov]

Mn. That's where it all started. Humans needing weapons strong enough. So...they made Darkovs. And kept breeding them until they got better at hunting and killing the monsters.

...I'm not...good, but. The others are. They're good at what they do.

[girlybruiser]

[ Haru is quiet on her end, shifting uncomfortably as she processes this information. It's near impossible for her mind to wander and make assumptions, especially hearing terms like "breeding". It makes her stomach knot. ]

Humans then... do they control Darkovs?

[darkov]

[and Martin's oblivious to it all, too tired to bother even being anxious. it's almost comfortable, right on the edge of not feeling much at all.

and this is easy stuff: he knows his simple life.]

Just the Lumas. The handlers. They know what to do to make sure we do our best. Without them, we wouldn't know anything.

[girlybruiser]

[ It's a struggle, trying to find the right words. She's quiet again.

Then: ]

Why not? There's a lot to learn about the world. You would figure it out eventually.

[darkov]

We're not made for that. I mess up anyway. Even on the things I'm...supposed to do right.

[girlybruiser]

I'm sure that isn't true.